My UNSTUCK Life-Start by Writing Your Obituary

I think it was Stephen Covey, author of the 7-Habits of Effective People, who said to start with the end in mind. For that reason, I suggest when figuring out what goals you want to set to become UNSTUCK, begin by writing your obituary. Ask yourself:

• What matters most to you? 
• Have you done it? 
• If you died soon, would you regret it? 

How many times does tragedy befall someone we know, and we swear that life is too short? We say we are going to travel more, work less, run a marathon, learn another language (see travel more), attend more weddings and birthday parties than funerals, say I love you, slow down, speed up, start exercising or achieve [fill in the blank].

One of my brothers said children are born into this world as perfect beings. Our job as parents is to do our best not to screw them up too much. My husband and I do not have children, but there came a time in my life when I realized I had to stop blaming things on my parents that I could resolve as an adult.

I began my UNSTUCK Life journey in my early 30s when I got into therapy. My life wasn’t going as I wanted, and I knew things could be better for me. I also knew I didn’t know how to make it happen. Therapy was a safe and magical place where I challenged so many of my assumptions. New ways of doing, thinking, and being became the norm. 

I could end the story of my UNSTUCK Life here because if you’ve been in therapy and worked hard, then you already understand. But then this wouldn’t be a valuable story. 

I was a devotee of the Covey paper calendar and organization system. The front was for goals, and you were supposed to write them as if they were already done. Today we call this the Law of Attraction, or, Manifesting Your Life. A few of my goals were: 

• I am fit, athletic, and run marathons.  
• I am a knowledgeable Jew who is a Bat Mitzvah. 

My goals turned into accomplishments as part of my UNSTUCK Life: 

• Becoming a Bat Mitzvah at 37 – When I was young, all the kids started Hebrew School to prepare for their B’nai Mitzvot (the plural of Bar and Bat Mitzvah). My mom said I could join them, but I couldn’t have a party. She thought this was a good test of a ten-year-old’s motives. Would I want a Bat Mitzvah if there was no party? Absolutely not. I resented her for years because what ten-year-old would have been so spiritually motivated to prepare for their Bat Mitzvah without the promise of a huge payday?

By my mid-30s, and after a bit of therapy, it occurred to me that I could have an UNSTUCK Life moment and become a Bat Mitzvah. In treatment, I discovered it was time to let go of the resentment I had carried for 25-years. One friend stated, ‘your parents can mess you up, but only you can decide to stay that way.’ 

My adult Bat Mitzvah was one of the most challenging and rewarding accomplishments of my life. I learned how to read Hebrew, how to chant, how to read from the Torah, and I did it all as if I was 13. I studied with the Cantor each week, diligently waiting outside her office until it was my turn. My only regret was failing to thank Cantor Shelly Kazinski in my speech (D’Var Torah). She was an incredible mentor.

• Training for a marathon at 39 and 220 pounds – I weighed 220 pounds when I signed up with the Leukemia/Lymphoma Team in Training. They help you train for a marathon while you raise money for cancer research. My dad died that same summer of 2001, but I kept running. I joined Weight Watchers (again), and I told everyone in my fundraising appeal letter that I was raising money, losing weight, and running a marathon. Sadly, I got a stress fracture in my pelvis during the Chicago Half-Marathon, which ended my running career. In my UNSTUCK Life, I’d run the best and most I could ever have imagined, and I lost weight. I have never been more proud than when I was pushing my physical limits, and I’ll never, ever run another marathon.

• Becoming certified as a Senior Professional in Human Resources (SPHR) – Certifying for my SPHR was just plain hard. The essential UNSTUCK Life lesson I learned from doing this is that you can achieve all of your goals if you work and study hard enough. I was never a devoted student, so accomplishing my adult Bat Mitzvah and passing my SPHR exam on the first try proved I could do it. All of it. 

• Getting married at 42 – Perhaps the most rewarding example of my UNSTUCK Life was meeting my husband, Herb when I was 40. (Read the full story here). I owned a two-flat in Chicago with my sister, and we were delighted with our lives as single women. We never thought we’d get married. And one day, I decided I wanted a relationship. I wish I could remember why I changed my mind about remaining single. It could’ve been that my sister and I went on another diet called Optifast. I was feeling good and confident, so naturally, it must be time to find a husband?! That was on a Tuesday. By Thursday, I’d chatted with Herb on the phone. Friday, the next day, we met in person; one year later, we were engaged and married the year after that.

No single person has helped me become who I always hoped to be more than Herb. Significant risk brings great reward. A successful relationship (any relationship) requires trust, vulnerability, honesty, failure, success, and most of all, unconditional love. I express gratitude every day that Herb is my husband. 

• Starting my two businesses – I credit Herb with giving me the courage, strength, and confidence to further my UNSTUCK Life as he insisted I start my first business, bobbi kahn design jewelry, in 2008. Since then, I left my corporate career, started and ended a company with Herb, continued running my jewelry business, and launched my coaching practice, UNSTUCK Coaching.

How do you accomplish great things? A therapist or two (or three), best friends, a supportive family, great bosses, amazing mentors, a wonderful life partner, and a career coach whose only goal is to help you build the life of your dreams. 

In writing my obituary, these things I know for sure… 

I want to be sure I laugh a lot, appreciate the important people in my life, accomplish the goals I feared would elude me, and get out of situations that do not serve me. I want to have the self-confidence that allows me to help others to do the same thing. 

Together, we can get your UNSTUCK Life on track and Imagine your life’s possibilities. Like Stephen Covey says, it starts by having the end in mind. Contact me today to book a sample call.

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