You’ve been through a lot at this point. It really doesn’t matter what age you are either. You know someone whose life was cut short by cancer, a car accident, COVID, a drug overdose, old age or died too soon. You, or someone you know, has been impacted by a life altering event by way of job loss, business loss, or loss of a relationship.
How many times has something major happened in your life or the life of someone you know and you say, “life’s too short. I’ve got to start living for today?” Seems like the moment passes and we quickly go back to what we always did.
Why do we do that? I believe it’s a combination of many things.
If we are going to live our lives differently, then we must be willing to change. And change is so darn hard.
We wait for some kind of motivation like there’s a magic motivation wand. I’m here to tell you, there isn’t one.
Without a concrete plan, items on your “bucket list” don’t get done.
What’s on your bucket list?
Do you even have one? A friend was recently diagnosed with an illness that will alter their remaining days. Retirement is within reach so they were already planning for retirement. What were they going to do once that magical day came? The list was being compiled, but now everything has changed. With limited healthy time left, they have much to consider.
I wish their list had already been written, prior to diagnosis. I wish everyone’s list was already written because then it could be studied and prioritized. Now isn’t the right time to suggest writing an obituary, but I think if we all did that today, while we’re healthy, we could decide how we wanted to spend our time and determine what matters most to us.
COVID brought life’s priorities to the top of our minds because for so many people there were incredible losses. Loss of life, of freedom, of things to do, places to go, people to see. For others there was some gain like spending precious time with the people inside your bubble, or realizing who you wanted to be with and who you didn’t miss at all.
This is a great time to write down your bucket list, before all that you learned during COVID becomes a distant memory.
Write down what matters most.
What do you want to do while you are healthy?
If you need to make more money to do it, figure out the way to do that.
If you want to travel but can’t find the time? Do it.
If you don’t have a plan, nothing will happen.
Write down your bucket list today.
Can’t figure out how to get your bucket list started or how to prioritize it? Get help from a friend or an accountability partner who will hold you to it. And if that doesn’t work, hire a coach. Because nothing matters more to YOUR coach than what YOU want from your life.
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
“I’ve got to get back on track; I’m just not motivated.”
That’s how the conversation started the other day with my client. It makes sense, right? To stay on track to accomplish everything, or even stay on track once you’ve completed something, all you need is to get motivated. Sounds accurate, but actually, I would argue that this is precisely wrong. Here’s why…
The things that get done consistently are not things we are motivated to do but rather the things for which we have a plan and from which we do not deviate.
An easy example of this is walking the dog. If the only way your dog relieves itself is when you walk it, then you must walk it whether you are motivated or not. No one is motivated to walk their dog in the cold, rain, heat, when they’re tired or just don’t feel like it. But your dog has to go, and so you do.
Think about what’s on your I’m-waiting-for-motivation list. If you’re waiting for motivation to strike, like lightning, then it’s probably not that important to you. And that’s ok. Take the item off the list because it’s just making you feel bad, sitting there, undone. If organizing your closet is on your list, and you’re waiting for the motivation to get it done without a plan? Take it off the list. And if you can’t bear to take it off the list, then it’s important enough to you, and you need to make a plan to get it done.
There are so many other things on our list that won’t get done without a real plan with defined steps and deadlines.
A growing to-do list can feel overwhelming, so start with small goals by breaking a bigger goal into smaller bite-size steps. Using the S.M.A.R.T. approach, let’s look at a common goal like getting more exercise:
S = Specific: Walk 4-days per week for 20-minutes per day
M = Measurable: 4-days per week on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday
A = Attainable: Short amount of time. I can do it first thing in the morning.
R = Relevant: I want to get more exercise. I can do this anywhere.
T = Time-based: I will start this today.
What’s on your to-do list?
If it’s important enough to stay on the list or take up space in your mind, then it’s important enough to warrant a plan to get it done. And if it’s important, but you’re struggling to get it done on your own, then get an accountability partner. This can be a Certified Professional Coach that you hire or a trusted friend or colleague who will hold you accountable and not let you slide or make excuses.
The magic of working with a Professional Coach is they have only one agenda; YOU. Suppose you’ve got something important you want to accomplish but can’t figure out how to get it done. In that case, a Professional Coach will help you clarify what it is, break it down into actionable steps and hold you accountable for your commitments.
I can help you move from waiting-for-motivation to Ready-for-Action! If you’re hoping to get motivated, schedule a sample call today to learn more.
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
I’m not a neuroscientist, but I am reading several different books and articles on neuroscience.
Once I started studying how our brains work, the topic seemed to come up everywhere. For example, I was at the chiropractor, and it turns out she’s exploring the brain related to how we feel pain.
We think we have free will, but our brains might say otherwise.
I used to believe that if I was thinking about making a change and it felt hard or scary, that was a clear and obvious sign that it wasn’t the correct change. But here’s the deal. Your brain’s job is to protect you. Your brain knows what it likes, and it wants what it knows. Your brain prefers the familiar and what it deems to be safe. So when you think about change, your brain senses a threat, like a tiger attack. It sends signals that say DANGER AHEAD, don’t do that. Your body senses that signal, you back down, retreat, and go back to business as usual. Your brain is just doing its job, which works well in an imminent tiger attack or real physical danger. But it doesn’t work well when you want to make changes in your life. That’s why change is so darn hard.
How do you push through and make changes anyway?
Small, consistent changes get significant results. For example, I’d like to exercise more each day. I start my day around 4:00 am, and by 4:00 pm, I’m ready to sit down, relax, read and watch the news. But what I should do is take a 10-minute walk or get on the elliptical while watching the news. I know I should do this, but if I hesitate for even 5-seconds – literally just 5-seconds, I’ll talk myself out of it. If I would just go when my reminder goes off, every day for several weeks, my brain wouldn’t fight with me on this change, and it would become a new habit.
Imagine how your brain fights even more significant changes like moving, changing jobs, training for a 5k, or getting out of a bad relationship.
“We continue to do what we’ve always done because change is hard, and the fear of the unknown seems scarier than staying stuck.”
Change often happens when there’s a breaking point, and the pain of doing what we’ve always done feels worse than moving forward. Sometimes, just sharing with someone you trust about the desire to change is the first step to making it happen. With someone on your side, the change doesn’t seem quite so hard.
5-Simple Steps to Make Meaningful Changes:
Recognize and accept that your brain is trying to protect you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t initiate changes.
Significant change can happen with small, consistent (and less scary) steps.
Often we’re compelled to change when doing nothing becomes more painful than doing something.
Be sure you have an ally who will support your desire to make a change.
Imagine how you’ll feel once you make the change happen. Visualize a future you once you’ve made this change. It can be life-changing.
Imagine Your Life’s Possibilities!
Need an ally to get started? I’m here to help. Schedule a complimentary sample session, and let’s get started today.
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
No one dreams that one day they will completely change careers in middle age. Yet many people find that during this time in life things change. COVID hits. We get job eliminated. We yearn to do something else for our remaining years of working. We have the money in retirement saved and have a little freedom. We don’t have the money saved and have to keep working. We just don’t want to have to work “here” anymore. That’s the end of the story of my UNSTUCK Career. But here’s how it started.
The secret to successful companies is happy and productive employees. I learned this very important concept in the late 70s, while still in high school. Even then I knew I wanted a career in Human Resources. At the time, Japanese Management styles were abuzz, and my sister gifted me a book called Theory Z by William Ouchi, which explained the secret to successful Japanese companies is happy and productive employees.
When I got to college at UW-Madison, I discovered there was no “Make Employees Happy” major, so I created my own curriculum of courses I hoped would lead to a successful career in HR. I declared myself an Economics major because it allowed me to take the courses I thought mattered to my HR career path.
After graduation in 1984, despite the hideous job market and recession, I landed my first job as an Assistant Manager in the housewares department at Marshall Fields. By January I was promoted to the Management Training Program, which was in line with my plan to build a career in HR by learning the company from the ground up. In 1985, after my stint as Department Manager at the flagship State Street store in Chicago, I was promoted to my first HR job. I held three different roles while still in HR at Marshall Fields: Trainer, Recruiter, and HR Manager. In my mind, at that time, my plan had finally come together…I’d made it!
Leaving Marshall Fields was the scariest career move. I’d been there for 14 years and I left in 1999 and moved to a small privately held bank as Director of Human Resources. The bank was bought and I stayed on for another 10 years ultimately holding a position of Vice President responsible for Recruiting and Employee Relations.
Next, I moved on to the newspaper and media industry where I worked my way up to Regional Director. In 2008, like so many others, the scope of my job got larger, while my staff got smaller. I was busier than ever, and the next 10-years flew by. The rapidly-changing regional media environment was amazing and challenging, but I learned so much. I considered it a gift. By the time I left the newspaper industry, I’d compiled 33-years of HR experience.
In 2008, recovering from a surgical procedure and with too much time on my hands, I took up knitting. I became obsessed, feverishly knitting every day. But how many sweaters can one girl wear? I think I stopped at 20-something but still needed to keep busy.
When my husband lost his business, during the recession, we had no extra money, but I still needed to tinker. So I started taking apart and redesigning the costume jewelry I’d inherited from my mom. I was making cool new stuff at no cost! This was the start of my next creative endeavor and more jewelry than I could wear. I was obsessed, again, but I couldn’t stop. One day someone asked to buy a piece right off my neck, and my business, bobbi kahn design jewelry was born.
For the next nine years, I was a full-time HR professional and a part-time Jewelry Designer. I loved designing and selling my jewelry at art shows so much, that it felt like play, not work. Wanting to leave my HR career and pursue my jewelry business full-time, I waited for a sign to tell me the time was right.
In 2017, my job with the media company was eliminated. My initial anxiety quickly gave way to profound gratitude. This was the sign I’d been waiting for! The time was right to leave my job. Additionally, I was being retained as a consultant, for a brief period of time, which allowed me some financial security to embrace my dream of becoming a full-time jewelry designer and businesswoman. I had prayed on this for so long, and finally, here was my chance, in all its neon glory.
After I was laid off, I never looked back. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my HR career… the travel, benefits, relationships, and training. But I also never questioned my decision to embrace my creative passion, which led to a life filled with joy. That’s not to say it’s all rainbows and butterflies, but, more on that in another blog!
I was FINALLY an entrepreneur! Imagine my excitement the first time I filled out a form and got to write bobbi kahn design jewelry, in the space marked “Business Name”. I wore every hat in my business. I immersed myself in the operations, marketing, and making of my product. I invested in education and coaching, to learn how to market online. I learned what I was good at and when to hire people to do the things I hated or wasn’t good at.
The transition wasn’t easy. After going to “work” every day for 33-years, suddenly I was on my own timeline. I had to be disciplined so I kept to a schedule: coffee, gym, home, and then off to the studio to create or work on the business. Weekends were for art shows. Weekdays were for work, or the occasional errand, a load of laundry, and my weekly canasta game. At first, I felt a little naughty, like I was playing hooky. But one of the beautiful benefits of being my own boss was that I was in control of my day. It took me a minute to realize I would never go back to a traditional job.
And then COVID hit. All my jewelry shows in 2020 were canceled. Every. Single. One. What was I going to do with myself? I loved to work, and even if I didn’t, where was I going to go and who was I going to lunch with during a pandemic? No one. Exactly no one.
My pre-COVID plan was to run my jewelry business and travel to art shows until I reached 62. Making a living doing art shows is exhilarating and exhausting. It’s very physical work on the best of days and can be grueling on the steaming hot, rainy, windy, or cold days. So, I picked the age of 62 because I thought I’d be ready to hang up my tent by then. Plus, I already knew my third career would be as a Coach.
I started talking to my therapist about my desire to become a coach, about 20 years ago. Coaching encompassed everything I loved about HR minus the things I disliked. For example, the only agenda that matters in coaching is the client’s agenda. Coaching is a co-creative relationship between Client and Coach. With my jewelry business sidelined by COVID, I decided to start my coaching training and certification in 2020, sooner than I’d planned. When I enrolled I wasn’t certain I was ready to start another business, but I wanted to use my free time productively and thought I could benefit personally from the skills I would learn in the certification course. I didn’t realize that part of completing the certification required having paid clients. Suddenly I was in business again and UNSTUCK Coaching was born.
In recent years I’d begun to see a pattern of middle-agers looking to find their most fulfilling work experience in the 2nd half of their lives. My new clients said they loved working or loved their professions and wanted to work another 10-20 years, but were unhappy with their jobs for a variety of reasons…
The management was unbearable or unreasonable
The company was changing direction in a way that no longer aligned with their values
Some had enough money saved for retirement and now want to do the job of their dreams.
Many wanted to work (and get paid), for causes they loved and weren’t ready to volunteer or work for free.
All of these reasons resonated with me, which led me to my passion and my coaching niche. I’m also in my most fulfilling career now, owning businesses as a Career Coach and Jewelry Designer because each fulfills me differently.
I had a vision in High School when I knew I wanted a career in a little-known discipline called Human Resources. Being creative and having talent in my jewelry business came as a bit of a surprise, later on, but with the support of my husband, sister, best friend, and countless others, that business flourished. And I knew one day I would start a coaching practice, it just came a little sooner than planned. But that’s how life goes.
If you feel a connection to, or are inspired by my career path, just know that you can also Imagine your Life’s Possibilities. I’m here to help. Together we can chart your path and make YOUR vision a reality. Contact me to get started today!
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
New clients excite me. Truthfully, all clients excite me, but I love the early stages of discovery, as a new client relationship unfolds. It’s at the beginning that I can start to piece together the purest, most unbiased, objective picture of my clients before we become familiar with one another. I’m working with a new client now, and as often happens, she sees herself very differently than I do.
What I see: A completely successful entrepreneur who can run two businesses, create her product, raise two children and be a great wife. She knows what she needs to do to get stuff done and she knows how to prioritize the work.
What she sees: Despite her business and personal success, she feels that sometimes, her creative side takes over her “get-it-done” side. She gets lost in time. It’s a blessing and also her curse.
In our last coaching session, she admitted she got more done this week than she would have otherwise. Curious as to what changed, I asked what did she do differently? She explained, knowing she’d agreed to be accountable to me, for doing what she committed to, she stayed more focused on driving sales for her business.
This accountability is often overlooked, and I got to thinking about my accountability partners. If my accountability partner and I are working towards similar goals, we seem to get much more accomplished. So, I have several, depending on the goal:
I have an accountability partner for weight management and healthy eating.
I have another accountability partner for growing our businesses.
Though they are two different people, what these partnerships have in common is that we set goals and report to each other every week (at least once a week, usually more) on how we’re doing. We’re committed to achieving our individual goals and helping each other do the same.
Many people don’t have someone who will hold them accountable. Sometimes, with the best of intentions, and to be supportive, our friends and family members let us slide or tell us we can try again tomorrow. Instead, what we need is for them to support us in setting our goals, and taking the steps necessary to succeed.
I work out with a personal trainer twice a week. She is another accountability partner but I pay her. Why? Because she pushes me harder to accomplish my goals than I would if I did it alone. I know all the right things I’m supposed to be doing, but I don’t do them. Believe me, I’ve tried. I get tired. I get distracted. I say I’ll work harder tomorrow. And then I don’t. I would much rather use the money I invest in my personal trainer for something else. And if I’d lift weights on my own I could use that money some other way. But I don’t, and I know it’s an important part of my health and wellness journey. So I pay her, and I’m okay with that.
Do you have an accountability partner? Do you feel yourself falling short of your goals, or setting the same goals over and over without success? I can be your accountability partner to help you set realistic, achievable goals and CRUSH them. Picture your life one year from now if you take that first step today. Get Unstuck and Imagine Your Life’s Possibilities.
“Barb’s ability to keep me accountable and stay focused on my goals, is invaluable. She easily spots my own mental blocks, and doesn’t allow me to gloss over them. Barb provides a safe space to share and be vulnerable, both of which have been key to my progress and success!” -Toby Myles
A few weeks ago a friend confided that they were feeling isolated, under-exercised, scared about the future, their career and how the pandemic would affect their kids in the long run. Like many, my friend is working remotely, with a home office on the third floor. Pre-pandemic, when working from home only happened occasionally, my friend’s home office was the dining room table. “Once relegated to the upstairs home office, it was hard to come down”, my friend confided. It was far from everything going on in the house, and when work life got busy, my friend stayed upstairs, for hours. Even with a daily goal of taking a stretch or a short walk, my friend, who is quite healthy, just couldn’t get it done. Fearing that “sitting is the new smoking” all my friend wanted was to come down the stairs, open the front door and go to the end of a very short block. And still, they couldn’t get it done. This feeling of failure, as defined by my friend, contributed to their malaise. My friend added that they had created a very functional stand up desk, and all they had to do was move the laptop from their seated position to the standing position. And still, it wasn’t happening.
I asked, why haven’t you set a small goal to just stand up, every hour? Further, I said, you are concerned that once you get up to your third floor office it’s hard to come down, right? And you’ve shared that you NEED to move more because if you don’t, you’ll literally stay seated for many hours at a time. I reminded my friend, “you told me you’re super busy at work right now, and it’s not practical to take a break every hour, yet you want to find a way not to sit so long. Why don’t you just stand up?” I asked.
They said “oh, you mean make a small goal?” Lightbulb moment.
I pointed out, if it’s such a small goal why don’t you do it? To me it sounded like a great start and easily achievable. Standing up every hour means a change in perspective, a new effort, stopping what you are doing for a moment and then getting started again. So I didn’t really consider it a small goal.
This got me thinking. Imagine the possibilities if you did just this one thing. Stand up! You’ll feel better because you are moving your body. You’ll be energized by the motion and you’ll likely find time to add larger goals like walking to the corner once a day. Eventually you’ll find yourself taking a break mid-day for a brisk walk. The world won’t come to a screeching halt, and work will still be there when you come back. Give it a try!
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