The topic of Botox injections keeps coming up in the most random ways in my life. I can’t explain why. I also can’t explain exactly what I find so fascinating about this as a conversation topic. But I can explain what sorts of related ideas it’s been leading me to wonder about recently, and I think that hearing my story might lead you to consider intriguing questions of your own.
Botox and Me
I find Botox, Fillers, Wrinkle Threading with Collagen and other similar treatments to be super interesting to consider overall.
I had Botox injections 20+ years ago. I have very deep lines between my eyes. I call them “butt cracks” on my face. They are so deep that my make-up base gets caught in these lines. When I get my eyebrows waxed, she has to separate the lines to get the wax to grab the hair. In the grand scheme of things, this is a minor embarrassment, but these lines are not my best feature.
The Botox did not work for the deep furrowed lines, but my forehead looked great. Dealing with the way the injections paralyzed my face was weird. I had to change my technique for putting on mascara because I couldn’t raise my eyebrow to apply it. My facial expressions changed because some parts of my face were frozen. I didn’t go back. But the experience was fascinating.
Botox Habits
I learned from a friend that she does many of these treatments, and I was eager to hear all about which treatment does what to her face. She goes with a group of gals to the office of a medical person who does Botox in addition to other mainstream work. (I think that’s a brilliant service to offer and a great way to add revenue! It’s also efficient to do more than one person at a time.)
My friend loves the way she looks and she feels great. She is comfortable with the person who does the different injections and the procedures themself.
I have no input about anything anyone does to feel more confident. As long as it’s safe and well-researched, a consenting adult should do what makes them feel better about themself. I think, who wouldn’t want to look better? I’m all for it.
I don’t see my face as much as my husband does. He is adamant that I DO NOT get Botox on my facial “butt cracks”. He thinks they are sexy. I do not understand this but so far, I’m willing to go along with his wishes. I didn’t like getting it done either. Once you start, you have to keep it up. More time and money. On the other hand, I love lashes. I think I’ll do that again and hope the beautiful lashes distract from the facial “butt crack”. Mostly, no one else cares, so why should I?
I’ve had this conversation with several people.
Then, a male friend of mine brought it up. He was talking about a woman he was dating. She is a Nurse Practitioner and does Botox parties. He said he wasn’t that familiar with it until he started seeing her, but now he is much more aware. He told me she has Botox parties and gives the hostess Botox for free. I am aware of these types of parties. I think they are great if you are interested in this. A Nurse Practitioner is someone easily trusted, and who could easily be researched. Another safe, efficient option.
“Guys Don’t Do That”
This is not the point. The point is that I asked my friend if he’d gotten Botox. For context, he’s an attractive man of a certain age. Bald, fit, and has some lines he’d look better without. He was a bit taken aback by my question.
He said that guys don’t do that. I asked why not? He told me he was happy with G-d’s gifts and his face was just fine. And he said I’d look very attractive with botox. Attractive is a word he uses often and I didn’t take any offense. I would look very attractive with Botox. Who wouldn’t? But, why wouldn’t he consider it, too? He would look very attractive as well.
To put it more starkly: This is a single guy in his 50’s who would look better if his lady friend gave him some Botox, and he clearly had not even considered it. Yet many women, seemingly always considering it, choose to do hair, nails, lashes, plastic surgery, wrinkle creams and treatments, electrolysis, waxing in all kinds of places, dying their brows…the list is long.
And so I wonder: Do you know a guy who gets Botox done? My point, of course, is not really about a direct answer to that, but more about why it seems so bizarre to ask this question. Do you feel there is a continued double standard at play here, in general and in your life?
Double Standards and Feeling Stuck
The long list of ways that many women are continually addressing “attractiveness” and the ease with which many men breeze past such considerations is overwhelming. I guess it makes me sad.
I also see how it can make many of us feel stuck, causing us to take up perfectionist habits while trying to keep up with double standards, making us always wonder if something about our “beauty” routine could be affecting how we’re perceived at work, or simply causing general confusion about how treatments like Botox fit into our personal wellness plans.
I’ve previously written about our misuse of the terms “personal care” and “self care,” and I think that maybe these patterns of double standards are part of what leads to our difficulties in knowing which is which, and in turn creating a huge discrepancy in time that women feel they can spend on self care versus personal care.
I hope that we all get the chance to think more about how much this directly affects our daily lives.
Reach out to me to share your thoughts. What’s your take away here? Do you know a guy who gets Botox? Do your experiences lead to a completely different set of questions than mine? I’d love to chat about it!
When I set my sights on a project it all seems like such a good idea. My latest one was cleaning and organizing our garage. And my husband, Herb and I were doing it together. The garage has not been cleaned since we moved into the house in 2004. Before you judge me, I do have a storage locker for the things I need to do my creative outlet, bobbi kahn design jewelry, so the space is not a total wreck. But as you might guess, I was immediately at risk of project overwhelm.
Let’s start at the beginning.
Why were we cleaning the garage? Because we were updating our electrical panel and installing a 220 line to charge Herb’s new Tesla. We were also adding more outlets to the garage. The only one we had previously had was so far from the auxiliary fridge we had been running an extension cord nearly the entire length of the garage. This was not the safest solution for the long term.
Another motivation to clean and organize the garage was to see if we could make enough space there to vacate the storage locker since the rent went WAY up and that made me mad. This created another project. What could I purge from the storage locker? And once I determined what I could live without, would I sell it? Trash it? Donate it? It seemed like these answers would be obvious and simple but I became filled with uncertainty about how to get these projects done.
Resolving Project Overwhelm.
I reached out to my dear friend and professional organizer, Linda Goldman of Altogether Organized, for some clarity. She asked good and thought provoking questions which I used as a guide for deciding what could stay and what had to go. My husband is another expert in helping me get rid of MY stuff. He can’t let go of much of his own, but mine? Easy. Get rid of it.
The weekend we designated for cleanup arrived. I got to the storage locker at 6:00 am. I was overwhelmed until I realized that what I was missing was a goal. If I started with an end in mind—if I knew what I was trying to accomplish—then deciding what to do with the excess stuff would be easier.
My goal was to get rid of stuff as quickly and painlessly as possible. The goal was NOT to make money, so that meant selling things on Facebook Marketplace or a garage sale was not an option. Donate or Trash. Those were the options left. And then the whole project became easy. I packed the car with items from the storage locker that I hadn’t used in years. Once I opened the bins, I could see the items were useless. Donate? No. Trash was the only option.
And after I filled the car with items sorted into these categories, another decision became obvious: I could not give up the storage locker. I had too many things in there that were in use for both indoor and outdoor art shows.
I called Public Storage and told them the unit had become way too expensive, that I was a good renter who paid on time each month thanks to auto pay, but that I was looking for a less expensive option. Another problem solved: They offered to lower my rent.
Try It!
All of this is to say that getting things accomplished is usually easier said than done. So when you start doing it and confront that realization, don’t quit!
Start with the end in mind. What are you trying to accomplish? Write it down if you need to, and think about the goal as you start to make decisions. It helps to prioritize each step in your process.
Start slowly and take the project one step at a time. If a tendency towards perfectionism is encouraging you to try to go too fast, read this recent blog and consider what you can do to reframe your self-talk.
Set a deadline. While you shouldn’t rush yourself, you should recognize that you’ve decided to take on your project for a reason. You’re motivated right now. And life is short. Make sure you can attain your goal in a reasonable amount of time.
Phone a friend. Can’t quite figure it out? Your friends may have ideas on how to help you.
If you’ve tried all these solutions and you’re still feeling stuck, reach out to me. In a FREE 30-minute sample coaching session, I can help you get UNSTUCK from your project overwhelm!
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
Our feelings are personal truths (or, for the analytically-minded, data) that we can harness to steer us in the directions that best serve us. But they can also be sources of noise or confusion as we navigate goal-setting and our everyday checklists. Working within this paradox requires firmly establishing a balance. Start by focusing on one feeling in particular that you want to quiet down.
Do you listen to Glennon Doyle’s podcast called, “We Can Do Hard Things”?
I am a new listener and a big fan of Glennon, her wife soccer star Abby Womback and her sister, Amanda (who is usually referred to as Sister). The podcast episodes always make me think more about the topics that were discussed. During the podcast, I am usually very entertained. (Good trappings to get through an hour walk in the morning!)
During a recent episode, Glennon was talking about feeling your emotions and using them as information to guide you toward making decisions, taking action, determining what’s important, etc. It isn’t always best for you to act on your emotions immediately, but use them as information on what will be best for you to do next.
If you could quiet down just one feeling, what would it be?
I’m paraphrasing the question here, but my answer was audibly loud: “ANXIETY!” Literally, I was walking and listening to the podcast and shouted out this response. I didn’t need a moment to reflect. I know that a certain amount of anxiety motivates me, makes me a goal-setting person and it pushes my creativity and problem solving and a lot of other good things. And I know that too much anxiety can cause a loss of good sleep, makes me prone to over-eat, makes me irritable and short tempered. and dampens my sense of humor and creativity.
How much of a feeling is too much of a feeling?
Listen to the signals your body is sending you. When anxiety serves me, I feel a light and excited sensation in my body. It’s literally in my belly and flutters up. When there is too much anxiety, I am filled with dread and the feeling is still in my belly but feels heavy and sinking. Like an anchor.
What can you do about the feelings that don’t serve you?
If you are going to talk to yourself about it, be sure you do so using the same compassion for your own situation as you would show to a loved one. If you say things to yourself that you would never say to someone else, then move on to Step #2.
Phone a friend or loved one. Share the situation. They may have great insight on how to help you through the situation.
Have you been through something like this before? How did you make it through? This can remind you that you will get to the other side. It may even help you identify exactly how you got through this before, so you don’t have to invent the solution all over again.
When it gets to be too much, make a list and prioritize things, even if just for today. If you find that having a plan for each day more easily quiets those feelings that aren’t serving you, consider prioritizing your to-do list with a calendar or paper planner or custom journal.
No matter how loud your feelings get, they can be used to bring you closer to your goals. Call me at 708-RUSTUCK (708-787-8825) to chat with me about how to live in balance with your feelings.
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
Please understand that I tend to forget the chaos that was early-COVID lockdown empty shelves of toilet paper and the inability to buy paper towels. Or the uncertainty and expectation that when lockdown was over we would be free of COVID.
I’m simply remembering that there wasn’t much to do but hang out at home, get groceries delivered, learn to cook and work away in my home office. In my memory, I felt safe from decision making because there weren’t any decisions to make then. It seems like a more simple time than today.
Making A Lot of Decisions Hurts Our Brains
No. Really. It literally hurts our brains. My favorite marketing guru, Donald Miller, teaches that if your marketing message confuses your customer, you lose them because the brain prefers not to have to work too hard to figure things out. Expending energy (calories) is exhausting.
Do You Feel Exhausted In These Post-Lockdown Days?
I wish the calories my brain was expending had the same result as a good workout!
Right now, days seem overwhelmingly full of decisions to make: Is it safe to be with people? Am I supposed to wear a mask? Can I infect someone unknowingly who is vulnerable like the elderly or children if I have COVID? Am I with people who are not vaccinated? Why aren’t they vaccinated? Is it really possible that we now believe in two separate sciences and two sets of facts? How is this even possible?
Protect Your Brain
Take care of yourself and determine how you can protect yourself from too much “hurting brain.” Try a few (or all) of these techniques to help reduce the overwhelm and feel unstuck from needless exhaustion:
Limit the amount of news you ingest. It’s ok to listen to a good book and music that fills you up rather than the news which can be exhausting.
Imagine you are in a room with only one way in and no way out. Only let people into that room who lift you up.
Make certain that you take time for a self-care routine, including habits like expressing gratitude, engaging with meditation, going for a massage, or taking a hot bath.
Prioritize your to-do list and really focus on what matters most in your personal and professional life. Sometimes, the more stressed you feel, the more you feel compelled to expand your to-do list. That just creates more stress and brain fatigue.
Be as kind to yourself as you are to your friends. Sometimes it seems like we hold ourselves to a higher, harder standard than we hold others. That’s just not right.
Being stuck with “hurting brain” can make it pretty difficult to get started on any new to-do list item, let alone getting started with changes to your routine that will make a huge difference in the long run. If you’re feeling exhausted at the thought of getting started in this post-COVID lockdown world, sign up for a free 30-minute sample coaching session, and we can work together to bring a little more simplicity into your life. It’s time to get UNSTUCK!
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
Do you brag about being a perfectionist or aspire to perfectionism?
Many of us do. Usually, when people refer to themselves as being a perfectionist, the label is worn as a badge of honor. It is something I aspired to be, feeling like the habit of perfectionism was important to getting my work done well. I had never heard anyone say, “I can’t get my work done because I am a perfectionist.” Instead they would suggest that, while their work product might be delayed, it was just because they were reviewing their already great work to make sure it was perfect. Here is the reality.
There is no such thing as perfect. And even though projects are delayed with the implication that the extra time makes them perfect, they aren’t. Perfection doesn’t exist. And that’s okay!
Identifying Perfectionism
According to Merriam-Webster, medically speaking, perfectionism is “A disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable; especially : the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness.”
Aspiring to work with a perfectionist attitude, then, puts us in a position to feel like failures because we weren’t able to achieve the impossible. Not a great way to get things done, or feel good about the work you produce, is it?
I usually make a typo in every email or text. Auto-correct doesn’t help. Neither does a failure to proofread. But at least I get the email or memo or text out there! It would be easy to spend time and energy worrying about these errors, but instead I remember that I’m not an editor, hope I’m forgiven for my mistakes, and move forward knowing that I can excel at building the relationships and accomplishing the tasks I was sending the text for in the first place.
Where do you see yourself on this spectrum? Are you setting impossible demands on yourself, and starting to see your overall happiness or your role at work change because of them?
According to Psychology Today, there are some identifiable signs that someone might be a perfectionist: “Perfectionists set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and others. They are quick to find fault and overly critical of mistakes. They tend to procrastinate a project out of their fear of failure. They shrug off compliments and forget to celebrate their success. Instead, they look to specific people in their life for approval and validation.”
Whether this feels familiar to you right now, or you have noticed yourself aspiring to habits that will eventually lead to you feeling like this, take a moment to be softer on yourself. Excelling at what you do means your time is best spent developing new skills, practicing the skills you already have, and enjoying the way you do what you do. Trying to achieve a mythical perfection is just not with it.
What to Do Now
For us to feel our most fulfilled in our careers and in our lives, it’s important that we do celebrate successes. That we do know when to submit our projects, to turn work “off.” That we don’t feel overwhelmed, or like something is wrong with us, when we make small mistakes. To get started as you move beyond perfectionism, consider these techniques:
Write a list of your recent accomplishments and allow yourself a few minutes to feel deeply happy about what you have done. If this feels awkward at first, consider starting with a gratitude list, with a focus on opportunities and things you have worked hard for.
Begin to reframe your internal narrative of failure. The next time you feel like you did something “imperfect,” take ten minutes to think about what went well. Or, re-focus your “failure” as a natural part of the process, an opportunity to learn rather than something that causes you pain.
Give yourself early deadlines and stick to them. Don’t overwhelm yourself with pressure, but do give yourself the opportunity to prove your fear of failure wrong: You have it in you to accomplish your tasks both well and on time.
Try delegating tasks and projects, beginning with simple ones as you get used to it, and moving on to those projects you’ve always felt only you can do. Feel the relief of letting go!
Schedule a call with me! With a free 30-minute sample coaching session, we can chat about the patterns that are making you feel stuck. Together, we can help you begin to feel UNSTUCK from the expectations of perfectionism, and transition to satisfaction with a job well done.
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
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