Our feelings are personal truths (or, for the analytically-minded, data) that we can harness to steer us in the directions that best serve us. But they can also be sources of noise or confusion as we navigate goal-setting and our everyday checklists. Working within this paradox requires firmly establishing a balance. Start by focusing on one feeling in particular that you want to quiet down.
Do you listen to Glennon Doyle’s podcast called, “We Can Do Hard Things”?
I am a new listener and a big fan of Glennon, her wife soccer star Abby Womback and her sister, Amanda (who is usually referred to as Sister). The podcast episodes always make me think more about the topics that were discussed. During the podcast, I am usually very entertained. (Good trappings to get through an hour walk in the morning!)
During a recent episode, Glennon was talking about feeling your emotions and using them as information to guide you toward making decisions, taking action, determining what’s important, etc. It isn’t always best for you to act on your emotions immediately, but use them as information on what will be best for you to do next.
If you could quiet down just one feeling, what would it be?
I’m paraphrasing the question here, but my answer was audibly loud: “ANXIETY!” Literally, I was walking and listening to the podcast and shouted out this response. I didn’t need a moment to reflect. I know that a certain amount of anxiety motivates me, makes me a goal-setting person and it pushes my creativity and problem solving and a lot of other good things. And I know that too much anxiety can cause a loss of good sleep, makes me prone to over-eat, makes me irritable and short tempered. and dampens my sense of humor and creativity.
How much of a feeling is too much of a feeling?
Listen to the signals your body is sending you. When anxiety serves me, I feel a light and excited sensation in my body. It’s literally in my belly and flutters up. When there is too much anxiety, I am filled with dread and the feeling is still in my belly but feels heavy and sinking. Like an anchor.
What can you do about the feelings that don’t serve you?
If you are going to talk to yourself about it, be sure you do so using the same compassion for your own situation as you would show to a loved one. If you say things to yourself that you would never say to someone else, then move on to Step #2.
Phone a friend or loved one. Share the situation. They may have great insight on how to help you through the situation.
Have you been through something like this before? How did you make it through? This can remind you that you will get to the other side. It may even help you identify exactly how you got through this before, so you don’t have to invent the solution all over again.
When it gets to be too much, make a list and prioritize things, even if just for today. If you find that having a plan for each day more easily quiets those feelings that aren’t serving you, consider prioritizing your to-do list with a calendar or paper planner or custom journal.
No matter how loud your feelings get, they can be used to bring you closer to your goals. Call me at 708-RUSTUCK (708-787-8825) to chat with me about how to live in balance with your feelings.
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
Please understand that I tend to forget the chaos that was early-COVID lockdown empty shelves of toilet paper and the inability to buy paper towels. Or the uncertainty and expectation that when lockdown was over we would be free of COVID.
I’m simply remembering that there wasn’t much to do but hang out at home, get groceries delivered, learn to cook and work away in my home office. In my memory, I felt safe from decision making because there weren’t any decisions to make then. It seems like a more simple time than today.
Making A Lot of Decisions Hurts Our Brains
No. Really. It literally hurts our brains. My favorite marketing guru, Donald Miller, teaches that if your marketing message confuses your customer, you lose them because the brain prefers not to have to work too hard to figure things out. Expending energy (calories) is exhausting.
Do You Feel Exhausted In These Post-Lockdown Days?
I wish the calories my brain was expending had the same result as a good workout!
Right now, days seem overwhelmingly full of decisions to make: Is it safe to be with people? Am I supposed to wear a mask? Can I infect someone unknowingly who is vulnerable like the elderly or children if I have COVID? Am I with people who are not vaccinated? Why aren’t they vaccinated? Is it really possible that we now believe in two separate sciences and two sets of facts? How is this even possible?
Protect Your Brain
Take care of yourself and determine how you can protect yourself from too much “hurting brain.” Try a few (or all) of these techniques to help reduce the overwhelm and feel unstuck from needless exhaustion:
Limit the amount of news you ingest. It’s ok to listen to a good book and music that fills you up rather than the news which can be exhausting.
Imagine you are in a room with only one way in and no way out. Only let people into that room who lift you up.
Make certain that you take time for a self-care routine, including habits like expressing gratitude, engaging with meditation, going for a massage, or taking a hot bath.
Prioritize your to-do list and really focus on what matters most in your personal and professional life. Sometimes, the more stressed you feel, the more you feel compelled to expand your to-do list. That just creates more stress and brain fatigue.
Be as kind to yourself as you are to your friends. Sometimes it seems like we hold ourselves to a higher, harder standard than we hold others. That’s just not right.
Being stuck with “hurting brain” can make it pretty difficult to get started on any new to-do list item, let alone getting started with changes to your routine that will make a huge difference in the long run. If you’re feeling exhausted at the thought of getting started in this post-COVID lockdown world, sign up for a free 30-minute sample coaching session, and we can work together to bring a little more simplicity into your life. It’s time to get UNSTUCK!
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
Do you brag about being a perfectionist or aspire to perfectionism?
Many of us do. Usually, when people refer to themselves as being a perfectionist, the label is worn as a badge of honor. It is something I aspired to be, feeling like the habit of perfectionism was important to getting my work done well. I had never heard anyone say, “I can’t get my work done because I am a perfectionist.” Instead they would suggest that, while their work product might be delayed, it was just because they were reviewing their already great work to make sure it was perfect. Here is the reality.
There is no such thing as perfect. And even though projects are delayed with the implication that the extra time makes them perfect, they aren’t. Perfection doesn’t exist. And that’s okay!
Identifying Perfectionism
According to Merriam-Webster, medically speaking, perfectionism is “A disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable; especially : the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness.”
Aspiring to work with a perfectionist attitude, then, puts us in a position to feel like failures because we weren’t able to achieve the impossible. Not a great way to get things done, or feel good about the work you produce, is it?
I usually make a typo in every email or text. Auto-correct doesn’t help. Neither does a failure to proofread. But at least I get the email or memo or text out there! It would be easy to spend time and energy worrying about these errors, but instead I remember that I’m not an editor, hope I’m forgiven for my mistakes, and move forward knowing that I can excel at building the relationships and accomplishing the tasks I was sending the text for in the first place.
Where do you see yourself on this spectrum? Are you setting impossible demands on yourself, and starting to see your overall happiness or your role at work change because of them?
According to Psychology Today, there are some identifiable signs that someone might be a perfectionist: “Perfectionists set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and others. They are quick to find fault and overly critical of mistakes. They tend to procrastinate a project out of their fear of failure. They shrug off compliments and forget to celebrate their success. Instead, they look to specific people in their life for approval and validation.”
Whether this feels familiar to you right now, or you have noticed yourself aspiring to habits that will eventually lead to you feeling like this, take a moment to be softer on yourself. Excelling at what you do means your time is best spent developing new skills, practicing the skills you already have, and enjoying the way you do what you do. Trying to achieve a mythical perfection is just not with it.
What to Do Now
For us to feel our most fulfilled in our careers and in our lives, it’s important that we do celebrate successes. That we do know when to submit our projects, to turn work “off.” That we don’t feel overwhelmed, or like something is wrong with us, when we make small mistakes. To get started as you move beyond perfectionism, consider these techniques:
Write a list of your recent accomplishments and allow yourself a few minutes to feel deeply happy about what you have done. If this feels awkward at first, consider starting with a gratitude list, with a focus on opportunities and things you have worked hard for.
Begin to reframe your internal narrative of failure. The next time you feel like you did something “imperfect,” take ten minutes to think about what went well. Or, re-focus your “failure” as a natural part of the process, an opportunity to learn rather than something that causes you pain.
Give yourself early deadlines and stick to them. Don’t overwhelm yourself with pressure, but do give yourself the opportunity to prove your fear of failure wrong: You have it in you to accomplish your tasks both well and on time.
Try delegating tasks and projects, beginning with simple ones as you get used to it, and moving on to those projects you’ve always felt only you can do. Feel the relief of letting go!
Schedule a call with me! With a free 30-minute sample coaching session, we can chat about the patterns that are making you feel stuck. Together, we can help you begin to feel UNSTUCK from the expectations of perfectionism, and transition to satisfaction with a job well done.
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
If you’ve been working at your position for a few years, or a few decades, you’ve probably thought about asking for a raise from your employer. Have you done it? With all the changes that have been weathered over the past few years, you more than likely deserve a raise now more than ever, so it’s important that you give yourself the opportunity to ask. Just make sure you’ve done thorough research and thought through all your options first!
The Great Resignation
Along with early retirement, another trend you are hearing a lot about is the “Great Resignation”. Workers of all ages have more options than they’ve had in a long time to change things up professionally. Maybe you didn’t realize how tired you were from being a road warrior until you got grounded during COVID. Now you don’t want to go back to travelling. It used to be important to you to live near work to have a short commute. Now your company has gone remote most of the time. On the other hand, your company is going back to in person work and you aren’t willing to do that. These are just a few examples of trends gaining traction in workplaces across the country. It’s likely that at least one of them is presenting you with new choices at work.
I Have Earned a Raise from my Employer
A lot of expectations for equity in pay have arisen loudly during COVID. Issues of fairness in many areas of life arose and now may be an appropriate time to make sure you are getting what you have earned. The pay for men and women who perform similar work and have similar experience is supposed to be the same. Is it where you work? The pay for the people regardless of all other kinds of protected factors such as race, sexual orientation (in Illinois at least) is supposed to be the same. If you were hired a while ago, you may have fallen behind.
Do Your Homework
How are your performance appraisals? The better your performance, the likelier you are to deserve a raise from your employer.
Does your company have a compensation system? Where do you fall within it given your pay and job grade?
Check out available jobs online by searching companies like yours or general jobs sites.
What Harm Can Come From This?
None, really, because at the very least you will learn a few things. You might learn there are lots of jobs just like yours that pay more or are attractive in other ways. You might learn that looking for a new job is a lot of work and you are happy where you are. And what if you do your research, present your ask for higher pay and get it? Amazing. If you don’t ask, you will likely get nothing.
What if I Ask for a Raise and They Say No?
Everything turns out as it is meant to. And you will decide what you will do if they say no. Is the reason given acceptable to you? I could be. Were you blindsided about a performance issue you were not aware of? If you think it’s valid, then it’s good to know so you can improve. Do you think the company is making lame excuses? You’ve done research on other companies to make your case. Maybe you have the foundation to start that job search.
Need help getting started? Schedule a free sample session, and we’ll discuss the possibilities available to you. What harm can come from that?
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
The newest trend in workplaces across the country is early retirement. Fresh perspectives on how and when to retire are in the air, and many of you are likely considering retiring early. Make sure you consider, also, what it will really mean for you.
So, Retiring Early Is a Trend?
Yes. Retiring early is a wonderful gift many workers are giving themselves as a result of many factors.
COVID provided an opportunity for workers to imagine their life’s possibilities and life looks way better in retirement.
Workers really did start saving for retirement at their first job and they have more money now than they thought they would.
Some workers started saving young and never got married or had children. Now they really have more money than they thought they would.
Many workers are done with what they are doing. It’s just too…much.
“Take this job and shove it.”
What do I mean when I refer to this trend as early retirement?
The traditional time to retire is set at somewhere between 65-67 depending on the year of your birth. You are eligible for medicare at 65. YAY!!!!! You can start taking social security as early as 62. So when I refer to early retirement, I mean you are leaving what you are currently doing before social security at 62 and before medicare at 65.
Why is the trend toward early retirement happening?
Here is what I’m seeing out there. Many of you have very big jobs or successful businesses from which you are making an exit. You have been tethered to your devices more often than not and have a love/hate relationship with how often your life gets interrupted by something pressing at work. You have been working very hard for well over 35 years in your professional life and it is no longer fulfilling.
What could go wrong when I retire early?
Without a plan for transition in place, you could die of boredom and get depressed because you feel useless. I exaggerate about the dying of boredom but I’m serious about getting depressed. Big changes like retirement take time to get to get used to. Waking up that first Monday morning is a giddy feeling. Even the first week can feel like vacation. That next week starts to get weird.
Beyond not knowing what to do with all my time, what else can go wrong?
I’ll assume you have a sound financial plan and a trusted financial advisor who is helping you plan your money. Just be sure you have thought through and researched health insurance. COBRA lasts for 18 months. Does that carry you through until you are medicare eligible? If it doesn’t, what’s your plan for that?
There is so much to celebrate about making a change as dramatic as retiring, whether you are going to start your dream job in your second act career or you’re planning to pursue your passions in another fresh way. You can ensure it goes perfectly as long as you have a plan.
Not sure you have it quite figured out? If you’re bored of the financial details and want to begin the fun part — You are RETIRING!!!!! You get to bring a super fresh approach to imagining your life’s possibilities! — contact me to schedule a free sample coaching session.
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
Most of us have a few office items we keep around that have come to mean more than the function they serve in our routines. Sometimes, when we make a major switch in our lifestyle, these items don’t come along with us. In a lot of cases, it’s good riddance. In other cases, the items come back to us at just the right time. For me, the item that has found a renewed place in my life is my Franklin Planner.
When I left my corporate job, I left a lot of friends behind.
I left the corporate world in 2017 and I left many good friends behind. One of them was my Franklin Planner. I threw away years and years of binders, calendars, schedules, notes and memories. I kept the notebook that housed it all on a daily and monthly basis. These days I keep an electronic calendar and have realized the notes I take are everywhere. My continuing education is one one legal pad and folder. Weekly marketing calls are on another pad and in another folder. When I go to look for it, I can’t find anything. I also have my daily affirmations and gratitude. That’s in another place.
I went looking for a clean legal pad and found a friend
I was getting ready for a meeting and went to my neatly organized office supply bin. And there it was. Calling me back. My Franklin Planner notebook. It was empty of the calendar and pages, but filled with memories. An important memory that jumped into my mind: This planner gives me the ability to find all the information I need in one place. I can’t remember why I gave up this system. I immediately ordered a new one. It seemed to take forever to arrive, which gave me time to look through more memories.
Here’s what else I found:
A game of “corporate lingo bingo” from the 1990’s
A prayer card from the funeral of my beloved friend Boo Weiland who died in 2012.
The page from the calendar my dear dog Hannah appeared on Thursday, October 14, year unknown.
My SHRM membership card from 1999-maybe the hardest exam I ever took right up until I passed the National Home Inspector Certification in 2020.
I saw a psychic a few times. All those notes were in this notebook.
The goals I set back in the 1990’s written in the present. The law of attraction before I knew what that meant. I am fit. I eat nutritionally. I am a knowledgeable Jew who is an adult Bat Mitzvah. I pursue my interests. I am self affirming.
What’s next? It’s mid life, baby! Time for some fun.
I see the future in my siblings and older friends. I see moving into my 60s as the decade for planning all kinds of fun things. For my husband Herb, he plans to retire in his 60s, so that’s coming up quickly even if he waits until 69. I’ll likely stop doing art shows with my creative jewelry business in my 60s. It’s great and also a ton of physical work, so maybe I won’t feel like doing that too far into my 60s. I intended to start UNSTUCK Coaching in my 60s and got several years head start thanks to COVID. I’m grateful for that unexpected opportunity.
I’ll get started by celebrating our “On Average 60th” Birthday
I turn 59 in November. Herb will turn 61 in December. We are heading to Tucson late this year to celebrate our “On Average 60th” with a week of friends, hiking, sightseeing, and total chillaxing. I am committed to using the law of attraction to celebrate the next decade. A few more wrinkles, a bit less energy and celebrating my grey hair will NOT be how I define my 60s.
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
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