You’ve been through a lot at this point. It really doesn’t matter what age you are either. You know someone whose life was cut short by cancer, a car accident, COVID, a drug overdose, old age or died too soon. You, or someone you know, has been impacted by a life altering event by way of job loss, business loss, or loss of a relationship.
How many times has something major happened in your life or the life of someone you know and you say, “life’s too short. I’ve got to start living for today?” Seems like the moment passes and we quickly go back to what we always did.
Why do we do that? I believe it’s a combination of many things.
If we are going to live our lives differently, then we must be willing to change. And change is so darn hard.
We wait for some kind of motivation like there’s a magic motivation wand. I’m here to tell you, there isn’t one.
Without a concrete plan, items on your “bucket list” don’t get done.
What’s on your bucket list?
Do you even have one? A friend was recently diagnosed with an illness that will alter their remaining days. Retirement is within reach so they were already planning for retirement. What were they going to do once that magical day came? The list was being compiled, but now everything has changed. With limited healthy time left, they have much to consider.
I wish their list had already been written, prior to diagnosis. I wish everyone’s list was already written because then it could be studied and prioritized. Now isn’t the right time to suggest writing an obituary, but I think if we all did that today, while we’re healthy, we could decide how we wanted to spend our time and determine what matters most to us.
COVID brought life’s priorities to the top of our minds because for so many people there were incredible losses. Loss of life, of freedom, of things to do, places to go, people to see. For others there was some gain like spending precious time with the people inside your bubble, or realizing who you wanted to be with and who you didn’t miss at all.
This is a great time to write down your bucket list, before all that you learned during COVID becomes a distant memory.
Write down what matters most.
What do you want to do while you are healthy?
If you need to make more money to do it, figure out the way to do that.
If you want to travel but can’t find the time? Do it.
If you don’t have a plan, nothing will happen.
Write down your bucket list today.
Can’t figure out how to get your bucket list started or how to prioritize it? Get help from a friend or an accountability partner who will hold you to it. And if that doesn’t work, hire a coach. Because nothing matters more to YOUR coach than what YOU want from your life.
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
“I’ve got to get back on track; I’m just not motivated.”
That’s how the conversation started the other day with my client. It makes sense, right? To stay on track to accomplish everything, or even stay on track once you’ve completed something, all you need is to get motivated. Sounds accurate, but actually, I would argue that this is precisely wrong. Here’s why…
The things that get done consistently are not things we are motivated to do but rather the things for which we have a plan and from which we do not deviate.
An easy example of this is walking the dog. If the only way your dog relieves itself is when you walk it, then you must walk it whether you are motivated or not. No one is motivated to walk their dog in the cold, rain, heat, when they’re tired or just don’t feel like it. But your dog has to go, and so you do.
Think about what’s on your I’m-waiting-for-motivation list. If you’re waiting for motivation to strike, like lightning, then it’s probably not that important to you. And that’s ok. Take the item off the list because it’s just making you feel bad, sitting there, undone. If organizing your closet is on your list, and you’re waiting for the motivation to get it done without a plan? Take it off the list. And if you can’t bear to take it off the list, then it’s important enough to you, and you need to make a plan to get it done.
There are so many other things on our list that won’t get done without a real plan with defined steps and deadlines.
A growing to-do list can feel overwhelming, so start with small goals by breaking a bigger goal into smaller bite-size steps. Using the S.M.A.R.T. approach, let’s look at a common goal like getting more exercise:
S = Specific: Walk 4-days per week for 20-minutes per day
M = Measurable: 4-days per week on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday
A = Attainable: Short amount of time. I can do it first thing in the morning.
R = Relevant: I want to get more exercise. I can do this anywhere.
T = Time-based: I will start this today.
What’s on your to-do list?
If it’s important enough to stay on the list or take up space in your mind, then it’s important enough to warrant a plan to get it done. And if it’s important, but you’re struggling to get it done on your own, then get an accountability partner. This can be a Certified Professional Coach that you hire or a trusted friend or colleague who will hold you accountable and not let you slide or make excuses.
The magic of working with a Professional Coach is they have only one agenda; YOU. Suppose you’ve got something important you want to accomplish but can’t figure out how to get it done. In that case, a Professional Coach will help you clarify what it is, break it down into actionable steps and hold you accountable for your commitments.
I can help you move from waiting-for-motivation to Ready-for-Action! If you’re hoping to get motivated, schedule a sample call today to learn more.
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
I’m not a neuroscientist, but I am reading several different books and articles on neuroscience.
Once I started studying how our brains work, the topic seemed to come up everywhere. For example, I was at the chiropractor, and it turns out she’s exploring the brain related to how we feel pain.
We think we have free will, but our brains might say otherwise.
I used to believe that if I was thinking about making a change and it felt hard or scary, that was a clear and obvious sign that it wasn’t the correct change. But here’s the deal. Your brain’s job is to protect you. Your brain knows what it likes, and it wants what it knows. Your brain prefers the familiar and what it deems to be safe. So when you think about change, your brain senses a threat, like a tiger attack. It sends signals that say DANGER AHEAD, don’t do that. Your body senses that signal, you back down, retreat, and go back to business as usual. Your brain is just doing its job, which works well in an imminent tiger attack or real physical danger. But it doesn’t work well when you want to make changes in your life. That’s why change is so darn hard.
How do you push through and make changes anyway?
Small, consistent changes get significant results. For example, I’d like to exercise more each day. I start my day around 4:00 am, and by 4:00 pm, I’m ready to sit down, relax, read and watch the news. But what I should do is take a 10-minute walk or get on the elliptical while watching the news. I know I should do this, but if I hesitate for even 5-seconds – literally just 5-seconds, I’ll talk myself out of it. If I would just go when my reminder goes off, every day for several weeks, my brain wouldn’t fight with me on this change, and it would become a new habit.
Imagine how your brain fights even more significant changes like moving, changing jobs, training for a 5k, or getting out of a bad relationship.
“We continue to do what we’ve always done because change is hard, and the fear of the unknown seems scarier than staying stuck.”
Change often happens when there’s a breaking point, and the pain of doing what we’ve always done feels worse than moving forward. Sometimes, just sharing with someone you trust about the desire to change is the first step to making it happen. With someone on your side, the change doesn’t seem quite so hard.
5-Simple Steps to Make Meaningful Changes:
Recognize and accept that your brain is trying to protect you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t initiate changes.
Significant change can happen with small, consistent (and less scary) steps.
Often we’re compelled to change when doing nothing becomes more painful than doing something.
Be sure you have an ally who will support your desire to make a change.
Imagine how you’ll feel once you make the change happen. Visualize a future you once you’ve made this change. It can be life-changing.
Imagine Your Life’s Possibilities!
Need an ally to get started? I’m here to help. Schedule a complimentary sample session, and let’s get started today.
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
I think it was Stephen Covey, author of the 7-Habits of Effective People, who said to start with the end in mind. For that reason, I suggest when figuring out what goals you want to set to become UNSTUCK, begin by writing your obituary. Ask yourself:
What matters most to you?
Have you done it?
If you died soon, would you regret it?
How many times does tragedy befall someone we know, and we swear that life is too short? We say we are going to travel more, work less, run a marathon, learn another language (see travel more), attend more weddings and birthday parties than funerals, say I love you, slow down, speed up, start exercising or achieve [fill in the blank].
One of my brothers said children are born into this world as perfect beings. Our job as parents is to do our best not to screw them up too much. My husband and I do not have children, but there came a time in my life when I realized I had to stop blaming things on my parents that I could resolve as an adult.
I began my UNSTUCK Life journey in my early 30s when I got into therapy. My life wasn’t going as I wanted, and I knew things could be better for me. I also knew I didn’t know how to make it happen. Therapy was a safe and magical place where I challenged so many of my assumptions. New ways of doing, thinking, and being became the norm.
I could end the story of my UNSTUCK Life here because if you’ve been in therapy and worked hard, then you already understand. But then this wouldn’t be a valuable story.
I was a devotee of the Covey paper calendar and organization system. The front was for goals, and you were supposed to write them as if they were already done. Today we call this the Law of Attraction, or, Manifesting Your Life. A few of my goals were:
I am fit, athletic, and run marathons.
I am a knowledgeable Jew who is a Bat Mitzvah.
My goals turned into accomplishments as part of my UNSTUCK Life:
Becoming a Bat Mitzvah at 37 – When I was young, all the kids started Hebrew School to prepare for their B’nai Mitzvot (the plural of Bar and Bat Mitzvah). My mom said I could join them, but I couldn’t have a party. She thought this was a good test of a ten-year-old’s motives. Would I want a Bat Mitzvah if there was no party? Absolutely not. I resented her for years because what ten-year-old would have been so spiritually motivated to prepare for their Bat Mitzvah without the promise of a huge payday?
By my mid-30s, and after a bit of therapy, it occurred to me that I could have an UNSTUCK Life moment and become a Bat Mitzvah. In treatment, I discovered it was time to let go of the resentment I had carried for 25-years. One friend stated, ‘your parents can mess you up, but only you can decide to stay that way.’
My adult Bat Mitzvah was one of the most challenging and rewarding accomplishments of my life. I learned how to read Hebrew, how to chant, how to read from the Torah, and I did it all as if I was 13. I studied with the Cantor each week, diligently waiting outside her office until it was my turn. My only regret was failing to thank Cantor Shelly Kazinski in my speech (D’Var Torah). She was an incredible mentor.
Training for a marathon at 39 and 220 pounds – I weighed 220 pounds when I signed up with the Leukemia/Lymphoma Team in Training. They help you train for a marathon while you raise money for cancer research. My dad died that same summer of 2001, but I kept running. I joined Weight Watchers (again), and I told everyone in my fundraising appeal letter that I was raising money, losing weight, and running a marathon. Sadly, I got a stress fracture in my pelvis during the Chicago Half-Marathon, which ended my running career. In my UNSTUCK Life, I’d run the best and most I could ever have imagined, and I lost weight. I have never been more proud than when I was pushing my physical limits, and I’ll never, ever run another marathon.
Becoming certified as a Senior Professional in Human Resources (SPHR) – Certifying for my SPHR was just plain hard. The essential UNSTUCK Life lesson I learned from doing this is that you can achieve all of your goals if you work and study hard enough. I was never a devoted student, so accomplishing my adult Bat Mitzvah and passing my SPHR exam on the first try proved I could do it. All of it.
Getting married at 42 – Perhaps the most rewarding example of my UNSTUCK Life was meeting my husband, Herb when I was 40. (Read the full story here). I owned a two-flat in Chicago with my sister, and we were delighted with our lives as single women. We never thought we’d get married. And one day, I decided I wanted a relationship. I wish I could remember why I changed my mind about remaining single. It could’ve been that my sister and I went on another diet called Optifast. I was feeling good and confident, so naturally, it must be time to find a husband?! That was on a Tuesday. By Thursday, I’d chatted with Herb on the phone. Friday, the next day, we met in person; one year later, we were engaged and married the year after that.
No single person has helped me become who I always hoped to be more than Herb. Significant risk brings great reward. A successful relationship (any relationship) requires trust, vulnerability, honesty, failure, success, and most of all, unconditional love. I express gratitude every day that Herb is my husband.
Starting my two businesses – I credit Herb with giving me the courage, strength, and confidence to further my UNSTUCK Life as he insisted I start my first business, bobbi kahn design jewelry, in 2008. Since then, I left my corporate career, started and ended a company with Herb, continued running my jewelry business, and launched my coaching practice, UNSTUCK Coaching.
How do you accomplish great things? A therapist or two (or three), best friends, a supportive family, great bosses, amazing mentors, a wonderful life partner, and a career coach whose only goal is to help you build the life of your dreams.
In writing my obituary, these things I know for sure…
I want to be sure I laugh a lot, appreciate the important people in my life, accomplish the goals I feared would elude me, and get out of situations that do not serve me. I want to have the self-confidence that allows me to help others to do the same thing.
Together, we can get your UNSTUCK Life on track and Imagine your life’s possibilities. Like Stephen Covey says, it starts by having the end in mind. Contact me today to book a sample call.
Barb Mason, Coach
I am a coach and jewelry designer. At UNSTUCK Coaching, I help middle-agers make changes toward the most fulfilling employment experience. As my own first coaching client, I know what it takes to get UNSTUCK.
Unlock access to a FREE coaching session and downloadable journaling guide when you sign up for the UNSTUCK newsletter.
The Law of Attraction works in much the same way as the Law of Gravity, or electricity. You don’t really have to know exactly how it works, just that it works. Need more convincing?
In brief, the Law of Attraction says…
You get back from the Universe what you ask for.
Like energy attracts like energy. If you put out negative energy into the Universe, you will attract negative energy. If you wonder why bad things always happen to you, it’s because that’s what you attract.
The opposite also holds true. Put out positive energy into the Universe, you will attract positive energy. Ask for what you want and you will attract it back to you.
Expressing gratitude for what you have brings you more of what you want.
Don’t believe me? Read our story…
On Tuesday, February 16, 2003, I sat in therapy with Dr. Susan Love. Together we decided it was a good time for me to get out there and give some effort to finding a life partner. I looked great and felt great and was interested in giving dating a shot. I even made plans with my friend Deena on Saturday, to help me set up my J-Date profile.
The day after my appointment with Dr. Love, I got a call from my sister-in-law. Her friend Leslie met a guy while working at Kluger Furs and Leather in Flossmoor, IL, and wondered if I would be interested in meeting him? Having just told the Universe I was ready to find a life partner, I said ‘of course’.
And so our journey together began…
His name was Herb, and we spoke on the phone for hours Thursday night. The very next day we met in person and I was smitten. Totally and completely smitten. I couldn’t stop thinking of him and couldn’t sleep all night. When daylight finally came on Saturday morning, and I hadn’t heard from Herb as of 10 AM, I was convinced he was full of it and I was duped again.
“I’ll show him!” I thought. I’d be meeting with Deena later that day to set up my J-Date profile. Besides, Deena and I were going to a party that night because she and her fella had just broken up. We discussed our plans for the evening while walking my dogs and when I returned home, there on my front step were a dozen stunning purple roses…from Herb! OMG! Maybe he wasn’t full of it. Maybe he was for real.
Herb asked me out for that evening but I said no because I had plans with Deena. When I told her this she insisted I call him back and go out with him. I’d NEVER before broken plans with a girlfriend for any guy. This violates the sacred girlfriend code. Sisterhood is forever, men are fleeting. But Herb felt different, so this time I did.
We saw each other Saturday night, and Sunday too. That was February 21, 2003, and from that point forward, we spoke every single day. We were engaged in February 2004 and were married on February 19, 2005.
If ever a coming together was meant to be, it was ours…
Call it fate, or b’sheret (in Hebrew), or whatever you’d like. Our paths crossed in so many ways, and we shared so many similarities before we’d ever met…
We graduated from Homewood-Flossmoor High School the same year but didn’t know each other.
We lived in the same apartment building at one time in Chicago.
Our moms were both named Alice.
Our parents’ wedding anniversaries were both February, 7.
When I met Herb, he lived in a house that my mom’s friend built. She was also named Alice. I had BEEN in that house as a child.
When Herb and I met he was very recently widowed. He was my first marriage, I was his second. We agreed long ago that had we met sooner, it would have been a disaster. I wasn’t ready for marriage before that day in Susan Love’s office, but that was the day I sent energy out into the Universe and said I was ready to meet my husband. The Universe listened, and generously sent me Herb, the love of my life.
My story is pretty convincing that the Laws of Attraction exist, and work. Do you believe it can work for you?
I’m ready to help you put the Laws of Attraction to work, to find love, a new career, or start a business, and to realize YOUR Life’s Possibilities. Contact me today to get UNSTUCK.
New clients excite me. Truthfully, all clients excite me, but I love the early stages of discovery, as a new client relationship unfolds. It’s at the beginning that I can start to piece together the purest, most unbiased, objective picture of my clients before we become familiar with one another. I’m working with a new client now, and as often happens, she sees herself very differently than I do.
What I see: A completely successful entrepreneur who can run two businesses, create her product, raise two children and be a great wife. She knows what she needs to do to get stuff done and she knows how to prioritize the work.
What she sees: Despite her business and personal success, she feels that sometimes, her creative side takes over her “get-it-done” side. She gets lost in time. It’s a blessing and also her curse.
In our last coaching session, she admitted she got more done this week than she would have otherwise. Curious as to what changed, I asked what did she do differently? She explained, knowing she’d agreed to be accountable to me, for doing what she committed to, she stayed more focused on driving sales for her business.
This accountability is often overlooked, and I got to thinking about my accountability partners. If my accountability partner and I are working towards similar goals, we seem to get much more accomplished. So, I have several, depending on the goal:
I have an accountability partner for weight management and healthy eating.
I have another accountability partner for growing our businesses.
Though they are two different people, what these partnerships have in common is that we set goals and report to each other every week (at least once a week, usually more) on how we’re doing. We’re committed to achieving our individual goals and helping each other do the same.
Many people don’t have someone who will hold them accountable. Sometimes, with the best of intentions, and to be supportive, our friends and family members let us slide or tell us we can try again tomorrow. Instead, what we need is for them to support us in setting our goals, and taking the steps necessary to succeed.
I work out with a personal trainer twice a week. She is another accountability partner but I pay her. Why? Because she pushes me harder to accomplish my goals than I would if I did it alone. I know all the right things I’m supposed to be doing, but I don’t do them. Believe me, I’ve tried. I get tired. I get distracted. I say I’ll work harder tomorrow. And then I don’t. I would much rather use the money I invest in my personal trainer for something else. And if I’d lift weights on my own I could use that money some other way. But I don’t, and I know it’s an important part of my health and wellness journey. So I pay her, and I’m okay with that.
Do you have an accountability partner? Do you feel yourself falling short of your goals, or setting the same goals over and over without success? I can be your accountability partner to help you set realistic, achievable goals and CRUSH them. Picture your life one year from now if you take that first step today. Get Unstuck and Imagine Your Life’s Possibilities.
“Barb’s ability to keep me accountable and stay focused on my goals, is invaluable. She easily spots my own mental blocks, and doesn’t allow me to gloss over them. Barb provides a safe space to share and be vulnerable, both of which have been key to my progress and success!” -Toby Myles
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